The Closet

My husband and I moved into our house 4 ½ years ago. We moved from a very old ‘fixer upper’ that was about 1,100 square feet and built before television was invented. You have to understand that my husband can do just about anything, so we took on the house as a fun project and let me tell you what a project it was. Well actually, that story is for another day. This story is about closets – every girl’s fantasy closet. The old, small house was built back when you only had two or three pieces of clothing to your name. Our bedroom closet was about 2/12 feet wide. No, I’m not kidding. And yes, I did hear that collective gasp by all you clothes and shoe whores out there. I felt it because I am one of you. Oh…that and purses too.


Now let’s fast forward to the new house. Have you ever heard the statistic that Disney Land in California will fit in the parking lot of Disney World in Florida? I’m not sure if that particular factoid is accurate, but that’s how the old house was to the new house. The new house is a little over 4,300 square feet, so you would naturally think that the walk-in-closets would meet my inflated expectations. I mean this house had everything we wanted – 3 car garage - check, kitchen island - check, giant tub - check…everything on our list of things we wanted in a home. Alas we neglected to remember to put ‘GIANT ASS CLOSET’ on that list.

When we first moved in, I took one side of the closet and he took the other. I bitched and bitched for the first year and tried to convince him that he should relocate his stuff to one of the many other closets in the house. You know…I’m the girl. I need all the closet space – right??. I was even channeling the ghostly voice from the Amityville Horror… “Get Out!” Long story short, he wasn’t budging.

Then, one night the heavens opened up and some divine being decided that it was time for me to win the closet battle. That’s right ladies. I was shown ‘the way’ to happiness and my DREAM closet. We were hanging out with our close friends Dave and Lisa one night and, low and behold, Lisa came up with the best idea since the guy who invented Pringles. Why not take one of our entire spare bedrooms and turn it into my very own walk- in-closet? Lisa Kuhns you are a Fucking Genius!!!!!

Hence, my dream closet was born. The clouds parted, the heavens opened up and rays of golden light shone down upon my own little slice of heaven. Out went the bed and dresser, in with my fabulous-ness. Hey, don’t look at me that way; we still have the other spare room intact. I wanted the room gaudy and a little over the top. Sort of a Zsa Zsa Gabour meets Carrie Bradshaw. It’s like my own little boutique…

Now if only I could convince my husband that I need as many pairs of Manolo Blahniks as Carrie has…I’m still working on that one.