Why I want to come back as a Pig in my next life..

A single work friend of mine, we'll call her Candy, just recently started dating a new guy.  He's cute, he's built, with a couple of nice tattoos and things are going really well for her.  My other 'fellow-old- married- hag' friend, Jodi, and I like to live vicariously through our newly dating friend as we've both been married since before television switched over to color from black and white.  Okay, not that long, but you get my drift.

So we ask daily details of dates they've been on but no real action had taken place yet.  A couple kisses and stuff but come on, we want some throw down, sweaty, up against the wall, sex stories.  You know, the awesome kind you have when you first start banging someone new.  (Yes, Griffin, I did just type banging)

Low and behold this last Monday Candy is in early.  I mean folks this girl doesn't hit the office until after 8:30 or she spontaneously catches on fire.  Remember that one time Jodi?  It wasn't pretty.  Anyway I arrive to already find her at her desk and when I ask what she is doing here so early her reply is that her new man, we'll call him Kain, had an 8:00 meeting.   Bam Chicka Wah Wah.

Yes folks, Candy is glowing from head to toe and has been engaged in some between the sheets kind of action.  I'm serious to, you could just see her radiant glow from the space shuttle.  So we asked her about it and she said the first time was a bit awkward, just trying to figure each other out.  Then she made me laugh so hard I almost peed myself.  She asked if I'd ever seen "Along Came Polly", the Jennifer Aniston movie.  Well yes,  I reply.  She throws her arms up and yells "50!!".   I'm laughing now just thinking about it.  For those of you who haven't seen it, the first time her and Ben Stiller's character have sex he is thinking the entire time that he has to last as long as he can.  He starts counting in his head and as soon as he can't take it anymore, and blows his load, he yells out "50!"  As in, sadly, he only made it that long.  That got me thinking about men and women and the differences between how long it takes each one to “blow”.

You might be wondering where the title for this particular blog comes from.  Okay, here goes.  My "Jerry Springer - closing thought of the day" goes something like this.  How is it fair that we bump and grind for as long as we do to achieve that amazing, explosive, mind numbing moment that only about 30 seconds whereas when pigs have orgasms, they last up to 30 minutes?  It just doesn't seem fair does it?

Think about that for a minute or two next time you are deciding what you’d come back as if you had to do it all again.  Me, I’m going for the pig.