The Convertible in the Rain Storm

A couple of weekends ago Kyle and I were going to our nephew's baseball game about an hour from our house.  It wasn't until the afternoon, and Kyle saw something about a street market that would be going on earlier in the day, so we left the house early and headed out to shop.  When we were in Santa Fe we bought a ton of stuff to re-decorate one of the spare rooms in our house.  We really wanted one of those wooden ladders that are made with rounded pieces of wood and strapped together with leather rope, however since we were in the convertible, we couldn't buy one there.  Fast forward to the street market
and voila, we found one that looked exactly like the ones we found in Santa Fe.  It is about 6 feet tall and again, we were in the convertible.  It's a sunny day, why not?  Right?

So we are driving around in this little sporty car, with a giant ladder sticking up out of the back, an hour from home.  We made it through my nephew's game and the clouds starting coming in.  The black, giant clouds that sort of say "Look out down there, you brainiacs in the convertible.  You're about to get fucked!"  We hopped in the car just as it started sprinkling.  Three minutes later it's full on pouring. 

I don't know if you've ever been in this sort of situation but as long as you're going 55 or 60 you don't get as wet as you'd think.  However, when you are on a road that has constant stop lights you experience the full effect of the torrential downpour.  We were cruising along and just laughing at how funny the whole situation was when we came to our first stoplight.  That's when we really started taking on water.  We were soaked, just soaked and I'm sure all the cars around us were thinking we were totally insane.  There we are, laughing our asses off at the sheer hilarity of the situation and just dripping wet.  I'll just bet it's on YouTube somewhere labeled "Check out the idiots in the convertible, but hey, nice ladder."

At one point Kyle shouted "Ouch" and grabbed his head.  I reached over, plucked the icy chunk of hail out of his hair and tossed it out of the car.  Yes, we took on everything but snow.  It will however, be snow season soon.  I can't wait.

The Wonders of Air Conditioning

Our house has central air conditioning.  Something I now vow to never live without.  Okay, yes I grew up without it and my therapist assures me that I am just fine inspite of it, but sometimes I'm not so sure.  When I moved out of my mother's house, into my first apartment, it had air.  My life changed and I was introduced to one of the many levels I assume exists in heaven.  Now I have lived without it since the first taste, my last house included, but now that we have it, ahhhh.  We crank it all day and night.  We like to have it so cold that we can sleep with down comforters and snuggle even when its 90+ degrees outside. 

Having established this you can now understand the freak-out Kyle and I experienced when our upstairs unit crapped out on Sunday morning.  The downstairs air was humming along just fine but when I went upstairs, after breakfast, I felt a wave of heat hit me like I was standing in front of a giant oven and someone just opened the door to check the turkey.  Okay so that might be a slight exaggeration, but you get the picture. 

Fast forward to Kyle outside standing by the unit, listening to the sounds it makes as I'm upstairs turning it on and off, running down to see what he says, then back up to turn it on and off again.  The sad part of it was, it was not working.  (Cue the tragic music)  So what did we do?  Why we did what any other rational,  normal minded people would do.  We grabbed our king size mattress off our bed and dragged it all the way downstairs to the family room.  I mean, come on, the downstairs air is working and, God forbid, we have to sleep in the 'hot' part of the house.  Oh and our stairs curve twice on the way down so bending that bad boy was FUN!

There we are on Sunday night, with Lucy happy as a clam, laying on our freshly made 'family room bed', in front of the couch.  What better time to throw in a porno and rock out in front of the big screen eh?  Just kidding, this is a family blog.  tee hee 

When I got home from work yesterday Lucy was lying on the bed and I just know she was thinking 'Finally Santa got my letters.'  She didn't even bother to get up and greet me like she usually does.  Oh no, she just lifted one eyelid and showed me her belly.  I swear I think I heard her whisper "Hell to the Yes" under her breath, but I could be mistaken. 

Someone is coming out to hopefully fix it today.  The super sucky thing then will be having to negotiate the stupid mattress back upstairs to our room.  Or maybe we'll just permanently leave it in the family room and tell our guests it's a new craze we read about in some exclusive Interior Design magazine.

Another Lucy in The Car Disaster

Those of you who have frequented my blog have probably read the horrible 'Diarrhea in the car on the way to Winter Park' story, (my dog, not me).  Well Kyle and I were lucky enough to experience a similar situation yet again.  About an hour into our drive back from Santa Fe, two weekends ago, we stopped to grab some soda's and snacks at a gas station right off the highway.  As usual, when we stop, we let Lucy out to run around and go potty.  She did her business and gulped down her treats and some water so we were ready to go. 

We were still sitting in the car, no driving or anything, when the dog started making those throat sounds a dog makes when it's about to barf.  Those of you who have dogs know exactly the sound I am referring to.  Those that don't are so very lucky, that's all I'm saying.  On long drives we bring a pillow or her dog bed for her to lay on, on my lap, during the trip.  So picture this; Kyle is in the drivers seat, I am in the passenger seat with this dog bed on my lap and my dog standing on it making those 'I'm about to puke noises'. 

I turn to Kyle and say "Oh my god she's going to puke!!!!".  We frantically look at eachother and all we can think to do is cup our hands together and hold them under her mouth.  Yes, you read that right.  The power of our two brains combined together came up with cupping our hands under her mouth.  Not, hey I know, let's just open the car door and set her down outside.  Nope, us geniuses just cupped our hands under her mouth perparing for the puke.  Oh, and we were in our new car too, did I forget to mention that little tid bit?
Go us!! 

So Lucy goes ahead and pukes and it runs, spoiler alert, it gets yucky from here, it runs all threw our hands and all down the crack between Kyle's seat and the arm rest, pools in the cup holder and gets all over her dog bed.  Then it gets even better, Lucy lays down really quick to make sure and coat herself in the vomit.  Damn it was awful.  So we both freak out, trying to tell the doggy she's okay, and attempting to get her and the messy dog bed out of the car.  Kyle ran inside and got a whole bunch of napkins and I grabbed the nearest thing I could to begin cleaining up. 

We get everything cleaned up as good as we can but then here is the dilema.  We are only about an hour into the 5 hour drive home.  There is no way this dog will make it for 4 hours without something to lay on and our car is packed so tightly that there is no way to put her dog bed in the trunk.  Here comes the lucky part for Kimmie-D.  I got to sit the remainder of the drive home with her dog bed on my lap, covered in napkins, and my stinky doggy.  Every time she adjusted her position the smell of warm vomit rose and fragranced the air all around her.  I kept offering to switch with Kyle and drive but he kindly declined each time, the sweetie pie.

So there it is.  I've been puked and covered in liquidial diarrhea by my little doggie twice in the car now.  For super fun next blog maybe I'll tell you about the time Lucy puked on Kyle's chest in bed.  That was a good one!!

Santa Fe

My husband and I just returned from 7 glorious days in Santa Fe, New Mexico.  This is a must see place for anyone who is into shopping, eating and just plain relaxing.   We stayed at a wonderful hotel and spa and spent our days strolling through the local shops and eating on outside patios with beautiful vines and flowers and fountains, oh my! 

We decided we liked the local art and culture so much we purchased a car load of stuff to bring home and decided we'd redecorate a couple of rooms in our house to make it ala' Santa Fe.  So fun!  The people there were so friendly.  Every shop we went into we met the most kind and interesting shop owners.  There is so much culture in that city it is just amazing.  Plus we became quite good at bartering.  There is an art to it and, if I do say so myself, we have really mastered getting just the right price.  We even had one guy track us down at this outdoor market to finally let us have the price we wanted for some yard art.  Go us!

One particular moment that made us laugh until we about peed ourselves was when we were having lunch at a little local Mexican restaurant.  The waitress spoke with a very heavy accent and when she asked me to hand her the menus I, out of nowhere, replied "No Problemo!".  Yes, me, super whitey with blond hair and a unique air of ditz said, "No Problemo".  The look on my face as soon as I said it, and the look Kyle had on his face made us both laugh like it was the funniest thing in the world. 

I guess the old saying goes....When in Rome.

The Help

I read a lot.  I just finished one of the most page turning, life inspiring, makes you really stop to think books I've ever read.  It is titled The Help, written by Kathryn Stockett.  It is a beautifully written story about black maids, working for white families, in Jackson Mississippi in the 1960's.  This book is thought provoking and it is a MUST READ!!

This book tells the story of the lives of some truly amazing black women.  Their lives are spent cleaning and cooking and raising children for the white women who employ them.   I could go on to say that it moved me and that I just can't believe that the world ever thought, or operated this way but I'd sound just pathetic and clueless to even say it.  I just can't wrap my head around anyone who thinks they are truly better than someone else because of the color of their skin.  I know, I know, it's the world but I hate it.

To think about sitting on my ass and telling someone else what I want them to do, as far as cooking for me or cleaning for me, is a foreign concept.  Let alone thinking it was their, 'place' in life????  UGH.  How people could ever think and feel that way is about as beyond my level of comprehension as the thought of me sprouting wings and learning to fly.  Yet it is a reality that I am sickened with it.

I usually try and write about funny or crazy things that happen in my life but I just wanted to write about how much this book moved me and how strongly I feel that everyone should take the opportunity and read it.  

Well there you have it.  My first blog of April, on my soapbox.

Another Man / Woman Difference

Another crazy difference between men and women is pooping habits.  Yep, I just typed pooping.  Men are so open about it that they'll walk down the hall with reading material in hand, as if to advertise exactly how they are planning to spend the next 5 or so minutes.  Reading and pooping.  Pooping and reading and grunting it all out with no care or regard to how many other men are in the room, probably doing the exact same thing.

Women however treat this act way more discretely.  We don't do it in front of other women, ever.  When you walk in a women's bathroom you can always tell if you need to get in and get out right away.  If you see feet under the stalls and hear only silence you respect the fellow bathroom patron and hurry along to give them their privacy.  It is universally known as 'The Women's Bathroom Code'.  We don't want to hear it happening while we are in there, we don't want someone else to hear it when it's us doing it.  There is nothing worse in the world, (okay I may be overstating a little, I mean there are starving children and all that) but truley nothing sucks worse than when you gotta go and you hear the door open and someone else enters the bathroom.  You hold really still, blow your nose, adjust yourself on the seat, anything and everything to prevent yourself from pooping and, god forbid, the other woman in the bathroom hearing it.  Don't even consider the horror if a little fart were to squeek out.  You might as well quit your job for fear of the fellow bathroom pal discovering it was you.  I know it's crazy and the men reading this are shaking their heads and the women are nodding saying Mmm hmmm, true that.

I had a friend who moved to California soon after she graduated high school and she ended up moving in with her boyfriend.  She was so paranoid to poop in the house that she would go to the gas station on the corner.  Every single day she had to poop, she'd journey out.

I even went as far as making my husband sit on the front porch of our house when I first moved in with him when I needed to go.  I was that paranoid he'd hear, and know that yes, I poop too.   12 1/2 years later, that is so not the case.  The mystery is gone, the jig is up.  Now I let him stay in the house.  Just on another floor.

The Tale of The Worst Tooth Ache Ever...Yes Ever!

Less than a year ago I had some dental work done.  In my opinion, a lot of work done, meaning a root canal and two crowns.   All has been fine ever since and then about two weeks ago I started to get this tooth ache.  Having had the work done, to the two teeth in the area, I assumed it was simply a result of my crazy night grinding, no not the fun kind, and hoped it would go away.  If you read my blog, you know I’m a chronic teeth grinder, at night, and sleep with a plastic, sexy as hell, football mouth-guard.

So, the really bad pain happened two weekends ago.  I had been taking Ibuprofen daily for my tooth aches-and-pains; again, hoping it would go away, when last Sunday it progressed to staggering levels of angst.  I sort of equate it to something going from, ‘Oh your cat just scratched my face’ to ‘Your dog just bit a chunk out of my finger, and drew blood’.  Very uncomfortable!!!  We called Kyle’s mom and asked if we could run down and pick up some Vicodin to get me through until tomorrow, Monday, when I could see my dentist.  (You know those Catholic breast cancer patients never use all, if any, of their drugs)  Thank god for this woman!

Monday morning I woke up with just a horrible throbbing tooth and the only thing that would help was can you believe it, ice water.  I mean, usually ice and things that cold do nothing but hurt a tooth but that was the only relief for me.    My regular dentist was closed Monday, of course, so I popped pills and swished ice water until the pain became something like ‘Mother Fucking Snakes on a Mother Fucking Plane’.  I rushed to a local dentist for a late evening root canal and spent the next several hours with a youngish dentist and his little assistant…They laughed, they flirted, they made me cry.  Yes, my dentist made me cry by being such a jerk-wad to me.

I spent the day in writhing pain, and those of you who have had severe dental pain, you know there is nothing like it.  You can’t escape it and it is just the worst.  So I’m in the chair, I’ve been popping Vicodin all day long, in pain and my mental state is shit and he has the nerve to kind of scold me when I don’t move my mouth exactly the way he asks, right when he asks it.  I mean the guy was a total tool.  Finally tears started rolling down my eyes onto the floor but they couldn’t see them since I had those protective goggles on.  I was a late, emergency patient and he was making comments about how he might as well not go home since he’d be there so late, and when one of their machines stopped working and they had to move me to another chair he had the nerve to say “She probably bit down to hard on the x-ray film” to his assistant. 

It was a nightmare experience all in all.  The only good to come out of it was a prescription for Percocet and the fact that I was no longer in pain.  I am now on the search for a new dentist.  I plan to find one that I hear tons of people love and that perhaps offers free chair massage and pedicures while you are there.  Is it too much to ask??

I think not.  Okay, at least one that’s not a total tool…

...And I Don't Mean Like The Guys Who Come And Fix Your Computer

I recently blogged that my husband and I finally bought a giant flat screen and our first gaming system.  Well I am in love with all things Harry Potter.  I know, go ahead and gag or laugh.  I just can't help myself.  I thoroughly loved the books and then the movies.  Now I own one of the Xbox games, Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix.  I can now understand why gamers love to game.  For hours on end!

I have so much fun playing this game, casting spells, and discovering things in the castle.  I truly never knew it could be so fun.  No, I couldn't get addicted to something accepted widely by the "cool kids" in the gaming world like Call of Duty or something like that.  I had to really embrace my inner Geekdom and pick this as my first taste of the gaming world.  Oh well, I'm not interested in being accepted for my geeky gaming practices.  I'd rather be considered for my love of red meat and my gas guzzling, environmental hating cars.

One of the many reasons I haven't been blogging is due to the fact that I used to write my blogs after work but now I play my game.  It's the only time of the day I can do it.  My husband and I both get home from work and he continues working so I, now, take the opportunity to play my game.  He rolls his eyes, I mean he is the one who awarded me with the name Geek Squad (that and Radio Shack), so I only play when he is otherwise occupied. 

I haven't been blogging and I'm sorry, my faithful readers.  I've have said it before, and I'll say it again, I will try harder.  In the last month I've discovered my love for gaming, had a really painful root canal, started and  almost finished with a complete master bedroom make-over, I'll blog about that later with pictures, lost a really good friend and colleague to California, and so much more.  I'll fill you in on the stories coming soon.

Thanks for hanging in there. 

And if you are looking for a REALLY good time I am recommending a Harry Potter Xbox game.  I'm just sayin'.

Better Late Than Never

Turns out I'm a Big Fat Liar.  I haven't been blogging more and I know so many of you are almost done checking my site due to lack of anything new to read.  I realize I'm lame so I thought I'd go ahead and write you a doosy.  Oh yes, this one makes me laugh.

Several, like maybe 8 or 9 years ago, I was working in an office in downtown Denver, near the 16th street mall.  It was a small office, only 5 of us, me being the only girl.  One day I decided to walk over to the mall to grab McDonalds for lunch and head back to the office, to eat in our little kitchen and catch up on my latest magazine. 

I had on a short little black suit skirt that I'd owned for years.  It was my favorite because it was the type of fabric you never had to iron and it just hung perfectly.  Well I got back to the office, grabbed my magazine and the moment I sat down, with my Quarter Pounder with Cheese in hand, my skirt split right down the back.  The seam ripped right open.  Hmmm, now I was in a predicament.  I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking to yourself, "Okay fat ass, if you are splitting your skirt open, put down the McDonalds".  Well that doesn't make any sense.  I mean, really, the skirt is already split and I gotta eat right?

I'm sitting there wondering what the hell I'm going to do, eating my super sized fries and greasy burger when a delivery guy walks in the front door.  The kitchen is just off the main reception area, we have no receptionist, as we never have foot traffic, and there sits Me.  Little Miss Split Skirt McDonalds Eating Me.  I ask him, from inside the kitchen, sitting at my little table, if he wouldn't mind just leaving the package on the front desk.  He lays it there but then turns and tells me he needs to grab a business card.  YIKES!!

Um, Sir, I'd love to hop up and give you a business card but um, see, I have this problem with the fact that the entire back side of my skirt has completely blown out and my panties, while quite nice, are not for your eyes to see.  I smile as nicely as I can and ask him if he wouldn't mind to just go around and open the top drawer of the desk to grab one for himself, I mean can't he see that I am up to my nose in french fries and who's cheating on who in US Magazine?  He gave me such a weird and shocked look that I wondered which would make his face look more shocked.  If I just sat there smiling and suggesting that he grab his own business card, or if I actully stood up and walked over to the desk, daring him to tell me about my skirt issue.

After he left, and I licked all the salt from my fingers, I found my way inching to my office to grab my trench coat, to head back to the afore mentioned mall, for a new skirt.  Thank you God for rainy days and the fact that I had the necessity to have one at the office with me.

I did have the skirt fixed and continued my love for McDonalds.  I mean no one was hurt in the making of this story, except of course the cow I was eating, and it was cause for me to buy a new skirt.  Funny day, happy ending.

Fantastic New Hair Day

Let me preface this entire post by saying I'm a little, okay a LOT, hyper tonight for some reason.

I went and got my hair cut and colored after work today and I have to be honest....I look FABULOUS!!!  I am not bragging, it's an actual fact.  I mean, come on, I didn't cut my own hair, I actually went to a new guy, that a friend referred me too, and he did a great job.  My point for today's rant is this; you can have a total shit eating day on Monday and then go and get a little pampering on Tuesday and POOF, you are magically happy and transformed. 

I had a much better day today.  PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT- No animals had to lose their heads or lives this morning.  I will admit that the last few days I have been a hormone factory, (and yes I did just hear the collective grossed out gasp from my male readers), but all in all I'm back to normal me.  And let's be honest, if you are reading my blog you know what I'm like and that I'll pretty much say anything so you can't be all that shocked that I typed hormone factory.  Stay tuned for my upcoming blog all about pooping and the womens public bathroom.  It'll be a real page turner.

Well I will sign off tonight just saying, much better day today, I'm cute as a bug tonight, with my new haircut and I'll catch you on the flip side. 

Grumpy Ass Bitch-Face Kind of Day

Those of you who regularly read my blog know I am a bubbly, somewhat crazy person who is happy and finds joy in the little things in life.  I’m that girl that just laughs out loud, out of nowhere, while sitting at my desk, because I’m remembering something funny that occurred back in 1998.  My head is a fun world, you should visit sometime.  Unfortunately every 6 months or so the grumpy demon sneaks into my room at night, sharp fangs protruding from its long thin mouth, bites me right in the ass, and man LOOK OUT!  I hate being in this kind of mood.

Today at work everything set me off.  I found out early that someone didn’t do their job, which I kindly reminded them in an email to do on Friday, which affects my job, and that really got me going.  That was just at 8:30.  That was after one of the little bunnies, that live outside our office building, dared to run in front of me on the sidewalk, causing me to grab it and rips its head off with my teeth, Ozzy Osbourne style.  Oh quit your gasping, it’s not like there were any live bats flying around at the time.

There are two people in the world who know how to manage me when I am in this mood.  My sister, (who’s name we do not speak), and my husband.  Luckily for my Sissy she hasn’t seen or talked to me today.  Sadly for my husband this is Monday and we decided, in our efforts to get in better shape (remember my recent Kinect post) that we would start only drinking wine on weekends and cut back the calories on weekdays. 

Some might think that our wine drinking nightly is more a health issue than a weight issue, and that backing off to just weekends is the right thing to do, for our livers.  To you folks I say Shut The Hell Up!!   I’m grumpy remember???  If one glass a wine a day is good for your heart 2+ has to be better right?  I digress, but I just wanted to point out the night my poor Kyle might have in store. 

I have nothing else to say today.  I will surely snap out of this ‘eat shit’ mood tomorrow and tell you all about the fun we had over the weekend.  Until then, I just thought I’d post proof that I’m not always about pink balloons and lolly pops.  I, like everyone else, has my Shut the fuck up, did you really just say that out loud, stop talking or I’ll stab you in the eye with my letter opener, what is that horrible smell, oh god there goes another stupid Smart Car, no I don’t have a minute to help you with your issue, it’s not your fault that your IQ is equal to that of a piece of chalk, kind of days.

The Lazy Blogger

I know many of you are wondering where I've been.  The truth is that I've just gotten a little lazy with updating my blog.  I am going to turn that around.  I have many dedicated readers and I will work hard to not disappoint.

This week is a wonderful week because it has my birthday in it.  My husband and I always spoil each other the entire week of our birthdays, we have coined the term 'Birthday Hanakuah'.  Whether it's a major birthday, and we are throwing a party, or just one that doesn't mean much to us we treat each other like royalty that week.  My week so far has rocked!

For Christmas Kyle bought me this wonderful charm bracelet that has become my favorite piece of jewelry, second only to my wedding ring.  For my birthday I've received 6 new charms for it and I'm just delighted.  Monday I came home from work to a dozen long stem red roses, and yesterday a really fun card with a little credit card sized plastic card inside it describing how much he loves me and that we are soul mates.  It now resides in my wallet and every time I go to pull out money or my debit card I'll see it and it will make me smile.

I'm home relaxing on the couch just waiting for my wonderful man to come home and spend another night of wine drinking fun.  My life is full and wonderful.  My sister (who's name we do not speak) bought me a bottle of my favorite red wine, Benzinger, and I plan to drink that tomorrow night, my actual birthday with a nice big steak dinner. 

On a side note, we haven't gotten into a routine with our Kinect yet, but we sure have enjoyed playing with all the new, and fantastic, features the Xbox has.  Watching Netflix through the Xbox is quite entertaining to us, and we are only at the very beginning of understanding all it's bells and whistles.  The thing that makes us more crazy and frustrated than anything is the stupid  remote.  It never fails but we'll forget how sensitive it is and it will be on the couch next to one of us, inevitably it gets tapped and voila, the movie we are watching goes into hyperdrive fast forward, or stops, or something else funky.  We actually couldn't figure out how to pause a movie one night, and literally had to tell a friend who called, we'd have to call them back because we couldn't get it to pause.  That moment made us feel really good about ourselves.  You people with children are lucky.  The kids these days are born with a chip inside their brains that enable them to know how to use and play every gaming system and remote control out there.

We have a very good friend, Jeremy, who came over a couple Saturday's ago and got us started on figuring it out, (and hooking our new TV to our surround sound, man I suck at that stuff).  We are hosting he, and our good friends Kathy and Steve, this Saturday to play Kinect so we will be A) getting off the couch and B) learning more about how it all works and what all it can do.  

Oh and I ordered a Harry Potter Order of the Phoenix Xbox game to nourish my nerdy side.  I loves me some Harry Potter. 

Finally Jumping on the Gaming World Bandwagon - Griffin Party of Two

With the new year and the thoughts of getting a little healthier I woke up this last Sunday, deciding that if we went and bought a new large flat screen TV and an Xbox with Kinect, we would get off our lazy asses for sure and play the new fun Kinect games.  Sounds like a sound decision right?  I mean, we could start eating  better and utilizing the club house work out facility in our neighborhood but no, that doesn't make as much sense as spending a ton of money on electronics and just hoping that we actually use them. 

Turns out this is the perfect time of year to purchase such things, the Super Bowl is upon us and they are practically giving the large flat screens away.  I have to admit, it is very cool.  We were going to go with a 60 inch but decided it was too big and went with 55 instead.  tee hee So, one quick trip to the Best Buy and we came home with the Xbox / Kinect and a new TV to setup.  Hours, many cords, tons of instructions and many a swear word later we were set and ready to go. 

I don't know how many of you either have, or have seen the Kinect up close and personal but it is truly amazing!!!  It moves with your every move.  You raise your hands, it raises it's hands.  You scratch your head, it follows suit.  So we get all set up and get ready to play the first game.  There is an instant power struggle to see which one of you the game will take the initial direction from.  You wave your hand, 'Minority Report' style and Voila, it reacts.  Kyle and I kept stepping in front of each other, demanding it's attention like two bratty only children. 

Finally we were playing and the games are so much fun.  The graphics are brilliant and the game really reacts to your every move.  And boy, do you move!  We played a river game where you are on a raft trying to navigate down river, all the while jumping up to grab things in the air for points, jumping ramps and moving from side to side.  What a great idea to get some exercise and have a great time as well.  When I initially sold Kyle on the idea, of getting the whole new TV and gaming system, I sold it as a quick and fun 30 minutes a day to play games and get our lazy asses off the couch.

Wow, I sure do spend a lot of my time with my head in the land of  "La La".  A  mere five minutes into playing we were both gasping for breath, clutching our chests and thinking, damn we're out of shape.  That was three days ago and we have yet to play again, Kyle claims his legs still hurt.  And you all know me, being the sweet and supportive wife, I wouldn't want to play without him so I've sat the last several nights out as well.  I mean, there is still the giant new TV to watch, along with all the instantly available Netflix and such. 

All in all, I'm quite pleased with our purchase and the mere fact that the Xbox comes with a handheld gaming doohickey so you can play games while lounging on the couch, feet up, wine glass full and nearby.  (Yes, I did type doohickey and am quite confident that is the correct technical term)

Who's Driving Your Bus???

Life it too short to be unhappy with your significant other.  I have heard too many people complain about the person they have chosen to spend their life with.  Albeit, it’s not anything as horrible as ‘He or she is cheating, or wants to have sex with animals’, it’s just the daily bump and grind of life, and things just aren’t’ really that good.  I’m no expert, but as a person who has dated and been married, I know a little something about the subject.

I know so many people who are just, I’ll say it, fucking miserable with their current “love”.  I just don’t get it.  I know people, first hand, and have heard stories about, people who would rather just live miserably than find the courage to say ”No More”.  What is so wrong with accepting that you won’t take it anymore?  Let me put it in simpler terms.  You wouldn’t rent a DVD, watch for awhile, only to find out it is horrible, and continue watching, would you?  No, you would hit stop, pop it out of the player and turn on something that makes you happy.  Why don’t some people value their own lives as much as they would value the quality of a movie?  You wouldn’t let the person behind the counter, at a shop, talk down to you or treat you badly without calling for a manager to complain about the shitty service.

My biggest question then is… why do some people stay in a relationship that makes them miserable?  And no, I won’t take the “What if I don’t find anyone else?” as an excuse.  This is not a dress rehearsal, folks and why treat it as such? 

Don’t get me wrong.  I’ve had many drop down, drag ‘em out fights with my husband.  But guess what, and here’s the kicker for all you miserable hold outs, they went away.  I have never once spent even a 5 hour period mad and not talking to him.  There isn’t a married couple out there that doesn’t fight, that wouldn’t be normal.  However, I will never understand people that fight and don’t talk for days.  What the fuck people??? 

People will always have opposing thoughts, thank God!  I’m not saying they shouldn’t.  What I’m saying is that it makes me sad and mad as hell, to my core, when I know of people I truly love and respect that allow themselves to be treated like shit, time and time again, and they just keep going back for more.  Is it really so bad to think of being on your own?  Is it really better to be torn down and miserable every day of your life?

In closing, my soap box is so high that I get dizzy when I’ve had too much wine, just remember that if you wouldn’t let a stranger treat you like shit, don’t let your significant other.

Life is short and you should spend more time smiling and happy than not.  I, by the grace of God, have the one person in this world who truly completes me.  I want what I have for everyone.

Well, that and world peace.

The Whore Next Door

This past weekend Kyle and I pulled up along side our former neighbors.  We lovingly referred to these particular neighbors as ‘Shit Stain and Whore’.  Whore because, well, she really was a prostitute.  Shit Stain because they were a couple and he knew all about it, and obviously supported her doing this, and reveled in the money it made and all the toys they were able to buy.  I think they call that a “pimp”.  Let me give you the back story.

We move to the ultimate neighborhood in suburbia.  The cul-de-sac at the end of our street, at one time, had 25 or so children living and playing at it.  I’m talking family friendly, quiet, barbeque sharing bliss… picture the Desperate Housewives neighborhood (I know you’re gagging).  Welcome to

Wysteria Lane!

The people who moved into the house next door to us were nice enough… not the sharpest tools in the shed and somewhat trashy, but nice enough.  We are not uppity people by any sense of the word, I mean, we enjoy box wine, but these people were just banjo playing, white trash garbage.   They informed us shortly after we met them, (her) drunk off her ass, teetering on her stilettos in the driveway in a short little silk nighty, that “this house was their retirement and they did and sold everything it took to get it.”  I love sharing your most personal information amongst strangers.  Yay, neighbors for life!!   

The woman was 52 years old with a body only a plastic surgeon could build (and did).  Hot and tight, there is no denying it.  Her face was a little ‘rode hard, put away wet’ but I guess when you are a hooker, the body is what they are paying for.  She strutted her ass around their yard in super high heels, short shorts and the tightest tank tops she could fit her size double D’s into, even to just pick weeds.  The husband had a job (professional bowler) but not for long.  He didn’t need to work any longer once her business kicked in.

Kyle called me at work one day and informed me of his suspicions. He was sure that our neighbor was turning tricks out of her house.  Of course I think he is crazy and I tell him so.  At night we would be sitting out on our front porch, watching the sun go down and low and behold, she had some major traffic “cumming and going” from her house.  It was unbelievable!!  One car an hour, you could time it with an egg timer.  The men would pull up, be inside for about 55 minutes, come out and leave and the next car would pull up.  Ewwwww.  Once again, Ewwwwww. 

All the neighbors began comparing notes and man did it give us stuff to gossip about.  We figured out that she was advertising on Craig’s List and on an actual hooker website.  She called herself Busty Brandi.  She had a price list posted for crying out loud!!  The pictures she posted and the descriptions of who she was and what she could do were so crazy.  I mean, we’ve lived downtown.  We lived next door to a halfway house for crack addicts when we first started out.  Nothing shocked us like this woman.  She even put a little Christmas tree in her front window with red lights that she would turn on until the ‘John’ got there and then turn it off once he arrived.  Our very own little red light district.  That started because one of the guys went to the wrong house, across the street from her, one time.  Crazy right?  I couldn’t make this stuff up!!  

She had a regular who was pretty old and gross, one leg shorter than the other, who would limp up to her door once a week.  At one point she was up to 12 in one day.  Imagine that!  Having sex and, God knows what else, with upwards of 12 strangers a day.  I mean, folks, these guys were no Brad Pitts.  They were N A S T Y.   I guess if you are a whore that charges $250/hr you don’t care what they look, or smell like.

The grossest part of all is when her husband would drive by and see a car in their driveway.  He would wait at the end of the street until the guy left before he would go home.   Imagine that, “Honey, I’m home.  How many strangers did you fuck today?  Is that new blow job technique we worked on earning higher tips?”   

Us neighbors all shunned them and she eventually got busted and Channel 2 News was out front one day filming their house for the nightly news.  What a year of entertainment we had.  With all of us neighbors knowing what was up she could no longer do her work at home.  Her business must have declined because they finally abandoned the house and moved out.  That was quite the night of celebrating in our neighborhood!!!

We haven’t seen them since.  The tale has been told over and over.  You have to admit, it is quite entertaining.  When we pulled up next to them in traffic on Saturday, them in a very nice car that they didn’t have when they lived next door, obviously newly purchased with  hooker profits, we wanted to roll down the window and ask how business has been.

We decided to pass on the mocking.  I figure just being themselves in life has to be punishment enough.

Ahh, the suburbs.

What a Way to Start The New Year.

I don’t particularly believe in setting New Year’s Eve resolutions.  Well, last year I did proclaim that my resolution was to gain as much weight during the year as possible.  I mean, what is the point of a resolution if it’s not attainable?  I thought it best to pick one I could stick with and guess what?  It worked!

We were off for 11 straight days together over the holiday.  It was absolute bliss!  We shopped, had leisurely lunches, spent time with friends and family and drank a little wine (Okay a lot).  On weekends we have this thing we do where we wake up and fantasize what it would be like if only we could ring a bell so the butler could bring us breakfast in bed.  Well one day we did just that, minus the butler, of course.  Don’t get me wrong, the minute that lotto ticket comes in, butler shopping we will be.  One day we stayed in bed all day.  It was a day that finally decided to snow and it was just beautiful.  We opened our bedroom blinds and layed there and ate and watched TV all day long.  And yes I know that you people with children out there are cursing our very existence for being able to do this.  I say suck it!  At least you have kids. 

You may not realize it, but we are big wine fans.  I know, collective gasp, right?  Well we do love us our Chardonnay.  We decided that we would take a break in January and detox our bodies just a little.  Not a big thing, just a little change.  What the hell were we thinking?  I’m in accounting.  As in, year end crazy ass zoo full of crazy number crunching brainiacs solving the world’s problems.  (For real!)  Kyle works for an advertising agency that is crazy busy, working on the new ad campaigns for the year.  I’ve been to his office by the way and it is like an amusement park.  It’s everything you think a cool ad agency would be and more.  They have hot wheels all around and food and drinks, including beer in the fridge and fun, fun, fun!  Not that accounting isn’t fun and glamorous.  Sigh, okay not the same.  We’ll move on.

Okay back to the drinking break, let’s see; long hours – crazy stressful work after 11 days off = no drinking… Hmmmm I think we can all agree that is the LAST TIME you want to stop anything that gives you pleasure and helps you relax at the end of a stressful day.  This reminds me, I love the part in the movie Airplane when the guy constantly states it was the wrong time for him to quit – sniffing glue, smoking, sniffing markers, etc.   That shit is funny.  I digress, so Kyle and I decided we would probably make it better through the week if we had just a sip or two.

Beats the hell out of sniffing glue and, we don’t have any markers in the house.  What were we to do?

A Guest Blog by Kyle Griffin - I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself

Happy New Year! Welcome 2011.
So many people have shunned 2010, "couldn't wait for it to be over", wished 2011 treated them better than that shitty-ol 2010... generally acting as if 2010 had fallen just short of Chernobyl or a liter of puppies getting run over.  My take is a little different.

In 2010 I was unemployed and found a fantastic job and actually was lucky enough to just get a wonderful promotion.

My Mom fought her ass off and won her battle with breast cancer. Go Mom! My Dad is still alive. He was given 2 years to live... that was 2 years and 9 months ago. You can't beat that shit with a stick. He just bought a new convertible to drive NEXT summer. That's some positive thinking. My friend Amber who's battled breast cancer for years found another lump - she walked back into a hospital to get it checked out, scared to death. She found out it was nothing... thanks again Universe.

We can't have a baby, but we have 8 incredible nieces and nephews who we treat as our own children and love them all more than we ever could have imagined. I live in a beautiful home. I laugh all the time.
I have the most incredible family, wonderful friends and neighbors and if it's possible, I fall a little bit more in love with my wife every single day!

We discovered our new favorite TV series Nurse Jackie. (Don't worry Dexter, Californication and True Blood - we haven't forgotten about you.)

We bought $50 worth of Egg McMuffins and drove around downtown handing them out to homeless people. The looks in people's eyes was more rewarding than I could ever explain. Especially the little boy who asked if he could have 2 so he could bring one to his Mommy, as he motioned to a sickly woman leaning against a building.

I have the most loving dog who thinks I hung the moon and acts like she hasn't seen me in years every single time I walk through the door.

I am just wrapping up the most amazing 12 day vacation with my wife. If possible - I consumed more wine and ate more food in 2010 than 2009 and met my last New Years goal of gaining as much weight as possible. (I like attainable goals)

I will miss you 2010. You gave me many wonderful things and didn't take my parents away from me. Some big things, some little things - all things combined it was a great year. 2011 has some big shoes to fill. Find positive in the negative. No year is perfect - but if you are reading this you survived it and you are breathing air in and out of your lungs. Be thankful for that alone and that you have another year to change all the negative things everyone is blaming on 2010.

I am blessed and am thankful for everything in my incredible life!

- A very special thanks to my husband for writing this and sharing his thoughts on the year.  I love you so much Kyle!