Better Late Than Never

Turns out I'm a Big Fat Liar.  I haven't been blogging more and I know so many of you are almost done checking my site due to lack of anything new to read.  I realize I'm lame so I thought I'd go ahead and write you a doosy.  Oh yes, this one makes me laugh.

Several, like maybe 8 or 9 years ago, I was working in an office in downtown Denver, near the 16th street mall.  It was a small office, only 5 of us, me being the only girl.  One day I decided to walk over to the mall to grab McDonalds for lunch and head back to the office, to eat in our little kitchen and catch up on my latest magazine. 

I had on a short little black suit skirt that I'd owned for years.  It was my favorite because it was the type of fabric you never had to iron and it just hung perfectly.  Well I got back to the office, grabbed my magazine and the moment I sat down, with my Quarter Pounder with Cheese in hand, my skirt split right down the back.  The seam ripped right open.  Hmmm, now I was in a predicament.  I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking to yourself, "Okay fat ass, if you are splitting your skirt open, put down the McDonalds".  Well that doesn't make any sense.  I mean, really, the skirt is already split and I gotta eat right?

I'm sitting there wondering what the hell I'm going to do, eating my super sized fries and greasy burger when a delivery guy walks in the front door.  The kitchen is just off the main reception area, we have no receptionist, as we never have foot traffic, and there sits Me.  Little Miss Split Skirt McDonalds Eating Me.  I ask him, from inside the kitchen, sitting at my little table, if he wouldn't mind just leaving the package on the front desk.  He lays it there but then turns and tells me he needs to grab a business card.  YIKES!!

Um, Sir, I'd love to hop up and give you a business card but um, see, I have this problem with the fact that the entire back side of my skirt has completely blown out and my panties, while quite nice, are not for your eyes to see.  I smile as nicely as I can and ask him if he wouldn't mind to just go around and open the top drawer of the desk to grab one for himself, I mean can't he see that I am up to my nose in french fries and who's cheating on who in US Magazine?  He gave me such a weird and shocked look that I wondered which would make his face look more shocked.  If I just sat there smiling and suggesting that he grab his own business card, or if I actully stood up and walked over to the desk, daring him to tell me about my skirt issue.

After he left, and I licked all the salt from my fingers, I found my way inching to my office to grab my trench coat, to head back to the afore mentioned mall, for a new skirt.  Thank you God for rainy days and the fact that I had the necessity to have one at the office with me.

I did have the skirt fixed and continued my love for McDonalds.  I mean no one was hurt in the making of this story, except of course the cow I was eating, and it was cause for me to buy a new skirt.  Funny day, happy ending.

Fantastic New Hair Day

Let me preface this entire post by saying I'm a little, okay a LOT, hyper tonight for some reason.

I went and got my hair cut and colored after work today and I have to be honest....I look FABULOUS!!!  I am not bragging, it's an actual fact.  I mean, come on, I didn't cut my own hair, I actually went to a new guy, that a friend referred me too, and he did a great job.  My point for today's rant is this; you can have a total shit eating day on Monday and then go and get a little pampering on Tuesday and POOF, you are magically happy and transformed. 

I had a much better day today.  PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT- No animals had to lose their heads or lives this morning.  I will admit that the last few days I have been a hormone factory, (and yes I did just hear the collective grossed out gasp from my male readers), but all in all I'm back to normal me.  And let's be honest, if you are reading my blog you know what I'm like and that I'll pretty much say anything so you can't be all that shocked that I typed hormone factory.  Stay tuned for my upcoming blog all about pooping and the womens public bathroom.  It'll be a real page turner.

Well I will sign off tonight just saying, much better day today, I'm cute as a bug tonight, with my new haircut and I'll catch you on the flip side.