Another Man / Woman Difference

Another crazy difference between men and women is pooping habits.  Yep, I just typed pooping.  Men are so open about it that they'll walk down the hall with reading material in hand, as if to advertise exactly how they are planning to spend the next 5 or so minutes.  Reading and pooping.  Pooping and reading and grunting it all out with no care or regard to how many other men are in the room, probably doing the exact same thing.

Women however treat this act way more discretely.  We don't do it in front of other women, ever.  When you walk in a women's bathroom you can always tell if you need to get in and get out right away.  If you see feet under the stalls and hear only silence you respect the fellow bathroom patron and hurry along to give them their privacy.  It is universally known as 'The Women's Bathroom Code'.  We don't want to hear it happening while we are in there, we don't want someone else to hear it when it's us doing it.  There is nothing worse in the world, (okay I may be overstating a little, I mean there are starving children and all that) but truley nothing sucks worse than when you gotta go and you hear the door open and someone else enters the bathroom.  You hold really still, blow your nose, adjust yourself on the seat, anything and everything to prevent yourself from pooping and, god forbid, the other woman in the bathroom hearing it.  Don't even consider the horror if a little fart were to squeek out.  You might as well quit your job for fear of the fellow bathroom pal discovering it was you.  I know it's crazy and the men reading this are shaking their heads and the women are nodding saying Mmm hmmm, true that.

I had a friend who moved to California soon after she graduated high school and she ended up moving in with her boyfriend.  She was so paranoid to poop in the house that she would go to the gas station on the corner.  Every single day she had to poop, she'd journey out.

I even went as far as making my husband sit on the front porch of our house when I first moved in with him when I needed to go.  I was that paranoid he'd hear, and know that yes, I poop too.   12 1/2 years later, that is so not the case.  The mystery is gone, the jig is up.  Now I let him stay in the house.  Just on another floor.

The Tale of The Worst Tooth Ache Ever...Yes Ever!

Less than a year ago I had some dental work done.  In my opinion, a lot of work done, meaning a root canal and two crowns.   All has been fine ever since and then about two weeks ago I started to get this tooth ache.  Having had the work done, to the two teeth in the area, I assumed it was simply a result of my crazy night grinding, no not the fun kind, and hoped it would go away.  If you read my blog, you know I’m a chronic teeth grinder, at night, and sleep with a plastic, sexy as hell, football mouth-guard.

So, the really bad pain happened two weekends ago.  I had been taking Ibuprofen daily for my tooth aches-and-pains; again, hoping it would go away, when last Sunday it progressed to staggering levels of angst.  I sort of equate it to something going from, ‘Oh your cat just scratched my face’ to ‘Your dog just bit a chunk out of my finger, and drew blood’.  Very uncomfortable!!!  We called Kyle’s mom and asked if we could run down and pick up some Vicodin to get me through until tomorrow, Monday, when I could see my dentist.  (You know those Catholic breast cancer patients never use all, if any, of their drugs)  Thank god for this woman!

Monday morning I woke up with just a horrible throbbing tooth and the only thing that would help was can you believe it, ice water.  I mean, usually ice and things that cold do nothing but hurt a tooth but that was the only relief for me.    My regular dentist was closed Monday, of course, so I popped pills and swished ice water until the pain became something like ‘Mother Fucking Snakes on a Mother Fucking Plane’.  I rushed to a local dentist for a late evening root canal and spent the next several hours with a youngish dentist and his little assistant…They laughed, they flirted, they made me cry.  Yes, my dentist made me cry by being such a jerk-wad to me.

I spent the day in writhing pain, and those of you who have had severe dental pain, you know there is nothing like it.  You can’t escape it and it is just the worst.  So I’m in the chair, I’ve been popping Vicodin all day long, in pain and my mental state is shit and he has the nerve to kind of scold me when I don’t move my mouth exactly the way he asks, right when he asks it.  I mean the guy was a total tool.  Finally tears started rolling down my eyes onto the floor but they couldn’t see them since I had those protective goggles on.  I was a late, emergency patient and he was making comments about how he might as well not go home since he’d be there so late, and when one of their machines stopped working and they had to move me to another chair he had the nerve to say “She probably bit down to hard on the x-ray film” to his assistant. 

It was a nightmare experience all in all.  The only good to come out of it was a prescription for Percocet and the fact that I was no longer in pain.  I am now on the search for a new dentist.  I plan to find one that I hear tons of people love and that perhaps offers free chair massage and pedicures while you are there.  Is it too much to ask??

I think not.  Okay, at least one that’s not a total tool…

...And I Don't Mean Like The Guys Who Come And Fix Your Computer

I recently blogged that my husband and I finally bought a giant flat screen and our first gaming system.  Well I am in love with all things Harry Potter.  I know, go ahead and gag or laugh.  I just can't help myself.  I thoroughly loved the books and then the movies.  Now I own one of the Xbox games, Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix.  I can now understand why gamers love to game.  For hours on end!

I have so much fun playing this game, casting spells, and discovering things in the castle.  I truly never knew it could be so fun.  No, I couldn't get addicted to something accepted widely by the "cool kids" in the gaming world like Call of Duty or something like that.  I had to really embrace my inner Geekdom and pick this as my first taste of the gaming world.  Oh well, I'm not interested in being accepted for my geeky gaming practices.  I'd rather be considered for my love of red meat and my gas guzzling, environmental hating cars.

One of the many reasons I haven't been blogging is due to the fact that I used to write my blogs after work but now I play my game.  It's the only time of the day I can do it.  My husband and I both get home from work and he continues working so I, now, take the opportunity to play my game.  He rolls his eyes, I mean he is the one who awarded me with the name Geek Squad (that and Radio Shack), so I only play when he is otherwise occupied. 

I haven't been blogging and I'm sorry, my faithful readers.  I've have said it before, and I'll say it again, I will try harder.  In the last month I've discovered my love for gaming, had a really painful root canal, started and  almost finished with a complete master bedroom make-over, I'll blog about that later with pictures, lost a really good friend and colleague to California, and so much more.  I'll fill you in on the stories coming soon.

Thanks for hanging in there. 

And if you are looking for a REALLY good time I am recommending a Harry Potter Xbox game.  I'm just sayin'.